Sometimes even though I have deep faith, I experience doubt. I question things. I wonder and I try and reason out what I believe and why. Is this something I should feel ashamed of or worried about? Not at all. Questioning and doubt are healthy expressions of a faith journey. In fact, faith by its very nature arises from our doubt. There is so much we don’t know. To have faith means that even though we don’t know, we trust. We have faith.
And yet, doubt can be kind of a taboo subject in the church. Have you ever been hesitant or fearful of sharing any doubts you hold? I sure have. The gospels share that the disciples were not so afraid of this kind of open and honest conversation. In one of the most important chapters in all of the Bible, questioning and doubt are front and center as a part of the journey of following Jesus. At the beginning of John chapter 20, Jesus is resurrected from the dead, the tomb is empty, and God has triumphed over sin and death. In that same chapter, Thomas, the disciple, moves to the forefront of the story.
The gospel reading from the Revised Common Lectionary for the Second Sunday of Easter, April 11th, John 20:19-31 says:
When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.” But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.” A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.
It’s the very first Easter Sunday and the disciples are locked away afraid. Jesus shows up in their midst and calls them to a life of forgiveness. He breathes the Holy Spirit on them, all of them, except Thomas. For reasons we don’t know Thomas wasn’t there. Later on the other disciples tell Thomas they have now seen Jesus and he is alive. This news, however, is all too good to be true for Thomas. He then utters the phrase for which he will become famous, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”
It’s nice to know that Thomas wasn’t afraid to share his feelings. The disciples, despite all their flaws, must have had the kind of community in which Thomas was comfortable sharing his doubt. It’s interesting to note that after Thomas shares what he thinks he doesn’t walk away from the other disciples. He doesn’t leave the community. He continues to journey along with them despite his doubt. It takes some time, a full week, before Jesus is in their midst again. Thomas meets the Risen Lord and his faith in Jesus, the one who brings new life, is restored.
The story of Doubting Thomas is clearly placed right after the story of the Resurrection by design. What does God want us to take away from this? Is it that doubt is bad and we should never bring it up? I think not. Doubt is a normal part of the human experience. Questioning is natural. In his book The Certainty of Uncertainty, Rev. Mark Schaefer discusses the nature of faith. Schaefer argues that faith is not belief, but rather faith is trust. He writes this, “In one of the best lines ever uttered on television, one character in Battlestar Galactica asks another, ‘How do you know you can trust me?,’ to which the other responds, ‘I don’t; that’s what trust is.’” Trust is about moving forward in spite of uncertainty. If we had certainty, it wouldn’t be faith, we would just simply know. It’s a much bolder faith to move forward into the unknown rather than the safer way of certainty. There is so much we don’t know, but we trust, we have faith. Like Thomas, we encounter Jesus and find new life.
I’m convinced that there are many people who feel they cannot be a part of a church community because of their doubts. What if the church could be more of a place that welcomed people into a conversation about faith, doubt, and life? This seems to be the conversation taking place amongst the disciples following the Resurrection and then Jesus showed up. When the church is a community that loves unconditionally and welcomes people to share life together, resurrection occurs.
This year at the ETSU Wesley Foundation due to the pandemic we have practically had to change every thing. In a normal year, we share a meal before worship to build community, we receive communion by intinction, and pray together at the table. We haven’t been able to do these things. We adapted our worship service so that following the sermon we have built in a 15-20 minute discussion time. The students discuss the scripture for the evening and questions raised in the sermon. The conversations have been fascinating and life giving. We have liked it so much we plan for it now to be a permanent part of our service.
When the church is a place where we can openly and honestly have a conversation in a community where unconditional love is experienced, that’s transformational. And isn’t that what Easter’s all about, new life? Will you pray with me?
Gracious God, thank you for your unconditional love and presence in our lives. Help us to be open and honest. May we receive the Holy Spirit like you're disciples and live and love like you. Amen.